BLACKWATER KNOCKOUT. BY KING JOFFREY BARATHEON IForget Stannis and Renly,Them two cowards can’t handle me,Tried to sneak up in my backyard creeping,That is why your armada got beat in,Stepping to me like you want some of this,But in the end you will catch my mailed fist . .Fronting like a moral role model you disgust me,I know about you banging Melisandre recently,You are nothing to me but a Dragonstone joke,That is why you are nothing but broke,I got gold dragons stacked on piles like high hills,Because I kick the stuff that only real Westerosi feels,I know you think you are the king and the boss,But on the Blackwater your fleet was lost,Saw your Man’s Davos and his sons die,I had nothing but tears of laughter in my eyes,You and that sorry whelp Uncle Renly,His men pissed their breeches and turned on you quickly,When I and my army showed up quickly,Then you had to leave quite swiftly . .You and your girl Mel can go to seven hells,Call me King Joffrey Lord Protector of the Realm,Got two tight women Maggy and Sansa on my arm,and I will give any traitor harm . .Because on your army we dropped wildfire like a balm,Burning you and your troops like a dried out palm.Grand Maester Pyrcelle talking like Tyson does “That’s right Joffrey they are trying to fade you your Grace, give it to these haters, show Stannis and his family what is up,”So you think you are top salt?I’ll smash you in your head make you do summersaults,I know Shireen and your wife are ugly as dog piss,and I know Patchface screws them both, he don’t miss,You and your girl fake red witch Mel form Asshai,Think you can take me down? You know you are high,That was the worst plan I heard in my life,Because the greatest King of all time died on Aegon’s Ninth,Seven bless my dad’s soul and rest in peace kid,It is because of my dad King Robert, I know what beef is,This here isn’t beef, this is just a hissing,A fake King Stannis making a career off of dissing . .Now let me rip that Lightbringer from your arm,In front of your red mistress, your wife and your only born,Get on the horn and call the High Sep’ton,So he can try to stop this, naw, he started it,Stannis forget what a hardcore King is,A hardcore King is a dangerous man,Running across the Blackwater Bay on black sand,So I will hang your heads from the Red Keep,Because your force and talk is cheap, sorry uncle!!!That’s right I am Joffrey . . J O F F to the R E Y … the baddest King . the best . . Your Grace …I am about to go spend some time with My Lady Sansa . . that’s right . . It is my world . . 
By ServantOnIce

BLACKWATER KNOCKOUT. BY KING JOFFREY BARATHEON I

Forget Stannis and Renly,
Them two cowards can’t handle me,
Tried to sneak up in my backyard creeping,
That is why your armada got beat in,
Stepping to me like you want some of this,
But in the end you will catch my mailed fist . .

Fronting like a moral role model you disgust me,
I know about you banging Melisandre recently,
You are nothing to me but a Dragonstone joke,
That is why you are nothing but broke,
I got gold dragons stacked on piles like high hills,
Because I kick the stuff that only real Westerosi feels,

I know you think you are the king and the boss,
But on the Blackwater your fleet was lost,
Saw your Man’s Davos and his sons die,
I had nothing but tears of laughter in my eyes,

You and that sorry whelp Uncle Renly,
His men pissed their breeches and turned on you quickly,
When I and my army showed up quickly,
Then you had to leave quite swiftly . .

You and your girl Mel can go to seven hells,
Call me King Joffrey Lord Protector of the Realm,
Got two tight women Maggy and Sansa on my arm,
and I will give any traitor harm . .
Because on your army we dropped wildfire like a balm,
Burning you and your troops like a dried out palm.

Grand Maester Pyrcelle talking like Tyson does “That’s right Joffrey they are trying to fade you your Grace, give it to these haters, show Stannis and his family what is up,”

So you think you are top salt?
I’ll smash you in your head make you do summersaults,
I know Shireen and your wife are ugly as dog piss,
and I know Patchface screws them both, he don’t miss,
You and your girl fake red witch Mel form Asshai,
Think you can take me down? You know you are high,
That was the worst plan I heard in my life,
Because the greatest King of all time died on Aegon’s Ninth,
Seven bless my dad’s soul and rest in peace kid,
It is because of my dad King Robert, I know what beef is,
This here isn’t beef, this is just a hissing,
A fake King Stannis making a career off of dissing . .

Now let me rip that Lightbringer from your arm,
In front of your red mistress, your wife and your only born,
Get on the horn and call the High Sep’ton,
So he can try to stop this, naw, he started it,
Stannis forget what a hardcore King is,
A hardcore King is a dangerous man,
Running across the Blackwater Bay on black sand,

So I will hang your heads from the Red Keep,
Because your force and talk is cheap, sorry uncle!!!

That’s right I am Joffrey . . J O F F to the R E Y … the baddest King . the best . . Your Grace …
I am about to go spend some time with My Lady Sansa . . that’s right . . It is my world . . 

By ServantOnIce

  1. midnightwithstarsandsparkle reblogged this from shardsofbards and added:
    *applauds*
  2. fuckyeaheggsandjoffrey reblogged this from shardsofbards
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