Euron, oh how I love thee

Euron, Euron, quite contrary,
You love to pilliage and not sow
With silent crews, and pirate shoes,
And pretty maids heads chopped off and all in a row.

Theon and Asha went over the sea
To fetch Winters Castle
Theon was captured, it was such a disaster
And Asha will come tumbling after…………………Then Euron will take what is his with Fire and Blood! 

By the Bastard of Summer


all light is gone
I stay deaf to everything
all lost to shame
all words of peace have died away
both on my lips and in my heart
all light is gone

so go on and flay me
come on and break me for good
'cause sometimes I feel alive
why don’t you flay me?
Go on and break me once more
let us combine
in the dance of pain“

always left to rot in the darkness
and left to drown in despair
you shall turn around
you shall die from this life
and be reborn to mine

so go on and flay me
come on and break me once more
'cause sometimes I come alive
to be more than uninvolved“
and all so cold and cruel
but most of all
so ugly and imprecise

oh, I felt like I was going to dive
into a cruel sea of pain
when he said „saviours – there will be none“
so why don’t you flay me
come on and break me for good
'cause sometimes I feel alive
why don’t you flay me?
go on and break me once more
let us combine 
in the dance of pain“ 

By Juli Flay

A Westeros Duet, presented by the Jews of Ice and Fire

I have a little Reeky, I made it out of flay
And when Red Jeyne is ready, with Theon she shall play
Oh Reeky, Reeky, Reeky, I made you out of flay
And when Kyra is ready, with Theon she shall play

It has a skinless body, with hair so white and thin
When chopping things is wanted, it cries and then I win
Oh Reeky, Reeky, Reeky, I made you out of flay
And when Grey Jeyne is ready, with Theon she shall play

My Reeky’s always grateful, it has a lovely stench
And when my wedding’s over, Reek gives a Lord’s Kiss to the wench
Oh Reeky, Reeky, Reeky, I made it out of flay
And when bitches are ready, with Theon they shall play!

by Hugor Stone and Silver Spearwife

Prince Theon’s a bit of a prick
And sometimes as thick as a brick
But then he met Ramsay
Now he’s not that fancy
Like Bill said, “This man has no dick”

By Juanvito

[It is night. Theon-Hamlet, as usual, walks the wall of Winterfell.] (Hamlet, II, 2, 546-603)

Theon                                  Now I am alone.
O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!
Is it not monstrous that my lord here,
Not in a fiction or in a dream of passion
Could force my soul so to his own creature,
That I feel like being Reek is all I have wanted,
With tears in my eyes, distraction in my aspect,
A broken thing, is all that I’m being
Suiting to his wish? And all for nothing.
For Winterfell!
What’s Winterfell to him, or he to it,
That he should do all this? What would he do
In the crypts, with the Kings of Winter
Looking him? He would run away in fear
Run back to his father like another leech
Confess his guilt and never be free
Just like I feel now, disgusting indeed
To the northern lords who know my treason. Yet I,
A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, took
This ancient castle in the name of my cause,
And people can’t say I betrayed my king
Even those who say that my brothers’ life
I took without mercy. Am I a coward?
Who calls me Reek? Breaks all my bones?
Cuts off my fingers to oblige me to eat them,
And same for my toes? Tells hundreds of lies,
Threatens to take my tongue? Who does this?
The North cannot have him. For it cannot be
Tricked into believing that I burnt this hall
By a vile oppressor such as this new lord is.
But they don’t forget Lady Hornwood’s bites
The North remembers. Bloody, bawdy villain!
Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
O, vengeance!
Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave
That I, the son of a dear father murdered,
Prompted to my revenge by Isles and North
Must come to these walls to unpack my heart with words
If I wish to avoid many painful stabs!
O Drowned God! Fie upon’t, foh!
About, my brains. Those that I still have.
Stannis Baratheon sits not far away.
If only I could reach him, without being seen
And deliver him this girl they believe a princess
He might forgive my malefactions.
Of murders I have never done I may speak
Of the little Starks and Ser Rodrik. If only my prayers
Were heard, by the Dronwned God of my father
Or the Old Gods of the North. I’ll speak to Abel.
And I will act quick. If I have no blench,
My life will have a new course. The truths I have seen
Are not forgotten, and those devils in power
Will soon fay for their crimes and perhaps
Out of my weakness and melancholy,
I will not be suspected of scheming something,
And he will not flay me. He will here no sounds
Of me moaning anymore. This is the thing:
I’ll jump from these walls, and run to the King.

by Franz95



Looky, here’s some gold!
Part of his nose.
Pardon my dear corpse
That’s how it goes.
Should be easy to sell.
Time will tell.
Add it to the pile.
We will dress in style!
We’re the Iron Born.
We pay the blood price.
And we don’t ask twice.

Well, we may as well clean them up, my friends.
Dead bodies all around.
The booty abounds.
We can tell
That the ironmen collect odds and ends
As a service to Winter - Fell.
Here’s a sparkly ring,
A tasty little thing.
I don’t want to waste it.
Picking is not a crime.
Now we can pay a debt.
Poor dead little boy.
Someone take his toy.
The corpses forget.
They’ve had their time.
Yikes!  He isn’t dead yet!!

Well, we may as well clean them up, my friends.
Dipping in the mud.
Rotting through their blood.
We collect their odds and ends.
All this creeping crud.
It’s a world where Freys eat Freys.
So we can rob who we may.
What is dead may never die.
The Drowned God doesn’t lie.
I lower my eyes to the sea.
In honor of my God
I take a pee.

by evita mgfs

A prince was once fond of the chicks
He was quite the insufferable dick
He’s now sick in the brain
And gets to lick Lady Jeyne
I guess it’s hard to get off with no prick

by Silver Spearwife

(Theon-Hamlet receives a visit from the ghost of his father, while trying to eat his usual rat in the dungeons of the Dreadfort…)

Will you keep me waiting? Speak. I’m eating my rat.
Mark me.
Theon    I will.
Balon             My hour is almost come,
When I to the watery hallsof the Drowned God
Must render up myself.
Theon                          Alas, poor ghost!
Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing
And stop eating that rat.
Theon                           Speak. I’ll eat quickly.
And quickly you’ll revenge me, when thou shalt hear.
Theon [chewing]
Balon I am thy father’s spirit,
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
While my ancestors are feasting in water
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature
Are burnt and purged away. But that I am forbid
To tell the secrets of my prison house
(Or else people like the Damphair in the world
Would remain jobless), so listen, kraken’s blood
I understand that you’re facing great fear
But if you hear my story, you may take heart
And find the way for your confinement to end
Before you need to start eating a porcupine.
This captivity eternal must not be
For a man of kraken’s blood. List, list, O, list!
If thou didst ever thy dear father love -
O God!
Revenge his foul and unnatural murder.
Murder most foul, for kinslaying is
For gods and men, foul and unnatural
Let me know, so if I get to be freed as a gift
[to himself](I am more likely to turn into a white dove)
[to Balon] IMay take my revenge.
Balon                                         You would look more apt
If of eating a mouse you were not in need.
And yet somehow you remain my last hope.
I hope you can do this. Now, Theon, hear.
'Tis given out that, walking on a bridge,
The Storm God shoved me. So the whole ear of Pyke
Is by a forged process of my death
Rankly abused. But know, thou noble youth,
The gust of wind that took thy father’s life
Now wears his crown.
Theon [to himself]    O this rat is good!                                                            
[to Balon] My nuncle?
Aye, that incestuous, that adulterate beast,
With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gift -
That he once used when the wife of his brother
He seduced - came back from the exile his lust
Had forced me to send him in, and now he’s King.
O Theon, you believe I simply fell off there?
You think I, who gave the Islands back their dignity
Might just fall down for a storm, right now
When Euron was one day far from the Islands?
He’s a wretch, but my natural gifts are poor
To those of his!
He’s evil and he never will be moved,
From the Seatone Chair that he’s stolen.
His lust, only if he takes the Dragon Queen
Will sate itself and once they’re wed
They’ll prey on the Green Lands.
But soft, methinks I scent the morning air.
Brief let me be. Walking on that bridge,
My custom always of the afternoon,
The Faceless Man thy uncle hired
Destroyed somehow that strong bridge
And all these miles I fell down for
And you can well imagine the effect
Such a falling has on the body of a man,
Even if king’s blood his veins runs through.
Every bone was instantly shattered in my body
And with a sudden fall I died down there
And my blood was flowing, and my body white as milk
Was lost in the water. Now you know, son of mine.
And I hope you are having no doubt
About the Crow’s Eye, vile and loathsome, you must
Avenge me and kill my brother.
Thus was I walking by a brother’s hand
Of life, of crown, of Pyke at once dispatched
Cut off even in the blossom of my sin
Unhouseled, disappointed, unaneled,
No reckoning made, but sent to the Drowned God
With all my imperfections on my head.
O, horrible! O, horrible! Most horrible!
If thou hast the Old Way in you, bear it not.
Let not the royal bed of Pyke be
A couch of luxury for a kinslayer.
But howsomever thou pursues this act,
Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive
Against thy mother aught. Leave her to the Watery Halls
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge
To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once.
The glow worm shows the matin to near
And ‘gins to pale his uneffectual fire.
Adieu, adieu, adieu. Remember me.
Theon [after swallowing the last bit of his rat]
O all you new gods, Seven! O Trees! What else?
And shall I pray R’hllor? O, fie! Hold, hold, my heart.
And you, my sinews, you’ve grown very old,
But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee?
Aye, thou poor ghost, whiles memory holds a seat
In this dark dungeon. Remember thee?
Yes, from the table of my memory
I’ll wipe away all trivial fond records,
Of Bran and Rickon, Robb and Kyra, all the past
That my mad youth copied there
And if the Gods my freedom ever give
Back to me, well away from these chains,
I will avenge my father. Yes, by the Seven!
O most evil monarch!
O villain, villain, smiling, blue-lipped villain!
If only these chains were not holding me down
I’d make him stop smile, that awful villain.
And I would take back my Iron Islands.
So, nuncle, there you are. Now to my word:
It is, “Adieu, adieu, remember me”
I have sworn.

by Franz95

Reek reek it rhymes with sneak
the  rat that I was eating made a squeak
Lord Ramsay is now coming down to torture me
all I want to do now is flee.

Lord Ramsay is now at the door
I am now hiding on the floor
when Lord Ramsay enters I dare not misspeak
Reek reek it rhymes with weak

Lord Ramsay has not come down in a while
Something must have happened that was rather vile.
Lord Ramsay has quite a wrothful streak
Reek reek it rhymes with freak

I hear Lord Ramsay shut the door and take out his flaying knife
He collects my skin and will want to take off a slice
I dare not look up and take a peak
Reek reek it rhymes with meek

by The Prince of Winterfell

There once was a man from Pyke Who told his son to take a hike His daughter was better When she was wetter Is this what Kings Landing’s like?
by Dracarya

There once was a man from Pyke
Who told his son to take a hike
His daughter was better
When she was wetter
Is this what Kings Landing’s like?

by Dracarya

[Scene: Theon and Jeyne Poole are on the wall of Winterfell. They are about to jump, but suddenly Theon stops, looks at the girl, and declaims:]

To flee, or not to flee - that is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in silence to suffer
The knives and flayings and all the misfortune
Or to jump down the wall of this rubble
And by falling end them. To die, to sleep -
No more - and by reaching the king to say we end
The flaying and the (likely) cutoff of my cock
That my flesh is heir to. ‘Tis a situation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep -
To sleep - perchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub.
For if we don’t find death what dreams may come
For Ramsay’s fun going away we spoil
And that’s because, with no respect
We’re jumping down, his Reek and his wife.
And he won’t bear the whips and scorns of time
For to him we belong, and this is great contumely
And you should make him love, he’ll make us pay
This insolence of fleeing, if we return
You’ll never again taste lemoncakes
When he himself all our bones will break
With his bare hands? I would fear less a bear
But nothing anymore could save our life
But I fear the idea of something after death
For Ramsay would be there, to make me moan
Ramsay is just waiting, and find us he will,
And this does decrease the choices we have
To flying to others that we know not of.
Thus torture does make cowards of us all;
And thus I need to take a resolution
To going back I cannot give any real thought
Because if I balk for just another moment
I will be back into my dungeon, to cry
So now I will take action.

[They jump]

by Franz95

Reek, Reek, it rhymes with weak
By this everyone knows
Me, but what’s in a name?
A rose is a rose is a rose

Reek, Reek, it rhymes with squeak
You don’t want me under your nose
I hurt and stink, what’s in a name?
I’ll never be mistaken for a rose.

by Dracarya

Ramsay, from Theon

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbour

So you say
You’ll obey or be flayed
Well I think you’re just evil
You’re just some sick shit who I’d love to hit
But that would cause a huge upheaval

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
For you I’m full of hate
For me it’s too late
But I won’t stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick out of being cruel-minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well that’s not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
You’re losing control of it and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
For you I’m full of hate
For me it’s too late
But I won’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you’re already in one
Cause it’s people like you
That need to get slew
No one wants your sword with them

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
For you I’m full of hate
For me it’s too late
But I won’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

by Dracarya


Our lucks better Theon, if you know what I mean
No walks of shame like the Iron Throne Queen
Insted we’re rolling sevens like Shagga’s Kingslanding scene
Drinking like the Imp till it aggravates the spleen
Live life like lucky Lucius, screaming 13

by Gingerly Grumkin

Theon Greyjoy’s Song

I was born from the iron not so long ago
When my Father decided to provoke the wrong foe
To stag and wolf my old man bent the knee
And told me, “Theon, an hostage you’ll be”.

With the wolves I then spent half my life
Dreaming one of them could be my wife
Dreaming of fight and showering in glory
And to war we went, so begins my story

I fought with the Young Wolf and with the Black Fish
How could I think I would be on a leash?
I fought the lion with the golden mane
How could I think I would become insane?

When we were fighting among the trees,
I thought of my ancestors sailing the seas,
But what a victory we won that day!
My Islands were leagues and leagues away

When we brought him forth, he who slew the king,
I claimed, “Of this battle for centuries they’ll sing!”
We put the golden lion in an iron cage
And we were not afraid of his father’s rage

I fought to lift the seige from the Castle of the Trout
Of that painful future, I couldn’t think about.
I fought for the lord who thought I was his brother
But that painful future belonged to another.

As my father had, ten years before,
Claimed for him a title that existed no more,
The young lord put on his hair red and brown
The ancient, forgotten, bronze-and-iron crown.

And how I was happy, when the mainland I left,
Because Father had tried to win his crown with theft
But a crown I could give him, right there and then,
And he would never bend his knee again.

I sailed from the place that saw my brother die
How could I think that so much I would cry?
I sailed from the Neck of water and mud
How could I think of the pain and the blood?

When I was brought from iron to snow
I was still thinking, “I do not sow!”
And now that from snow to iron I came
I planned to give the West to the flame

But there were my plans, and there was the truth
And war has never been something smooth
I told to a woman that I was not weak
But she - my sweet sister! - just squeezed my dick

I sailed for the place I’d known as my house
But in my painful future I was less than a mouse.
I sailed for the North of white snow and ice
But in my painful future I was less than lice.

And fighting the fishermen my war began,
But then I thought of a much better plan.
“To their ancient seat they will say farewell
We’re Ironborn and we will take Winterfell”.

And I was so clever, the castle we took
In the time it would take us to just take a look
But holding a castle is harder than that
And two little princes on their way we let

I hunted the princes and the halfwit
How could I think of the fate I would meet?
I hunted them so they would not laugh at me
How could I think of the freak I would be?

The next thing I did was the huge mistake
The next thing I did was a colossal fake
Yes, I killed you, young miller’s boy
I killed you when I was still Theon Greyjoy

And their heads we put for people to see
“You shall fear the Ironborn come from the sea!”
When I put their heads on the wall
My rise was done, and started my fall

I hunted the woman, she’d gone with them
To that painful future I’d signed my condemn
I hunted the wolf that howl in the night
But my painful future was not shining bright

The northmen were just out of my gate
I was going to lose all my faith
I was even going to take the black
But then it broke out, Winterfell’s Sack

The next thing I knew I was eating a mouse
He’s a bastard no more, now he has a House
The little boy asks, “do you know your name?”
I’m not Theon, I’m Reek, I am not the same

I went to the Moat, a prince no more
How could I forget the rags I wore?
I went back to the fort, I was Reek again
How could I forget the time I’d spent in chain?

My lord was to marry a girl I had known
My new lord, him who made me cry and moan
But she wasn’t sister to the boy with the crown
Her eyes were not grey, they were wooden brown

She married the lord in the eyes of the tree
They weren’t my gods, I came from the sea!
But the ghosts in the castle, these I felt
For I had become a ghost myself

I went to the castle of the Kings in the North
My painful future was being brought forth
I went to the castle where I’d lived so long
My painful future felt terribly wrong

I helped them to take the lady away
“I’ll help you, that’s fine, my part I will play”
But the only way out was down from the wall
“Will I survive? I don’t know. Let’s fall.”.

I met my sweet sister who’d played with me
And in front of a king I went to my knee
In his tent he met with lords and a knight
He who worshipped the Lord of the Light.

I was born from iron not so long ago
And now here I am, lost in the snow
They kill me, it will be an end to the pain
But I have learned my name again.

by Franz95