Shireen’s parentage???

The Lady Selyse has a mustache on her face
So it’s not crazy that she’s seen rarely by His Grace
Yet kings must have children even if they lack Florent taste
The solution is obvious, it is such a clear case
That Shireen’s real father, is her best friend Patchface

by Grumpkin Ahai

stannisbaratheon:

no one likes stannis

robert doesn’t like stannis

renly doesn’t like stannis

selyce doesn’t like her hubby stannis

shireen likes her papa stannis

but stannis doesn’t like shireen

stannis doesn’t like stannis

melisandre doesn’t like stannis

she’s just using him

for azor ahai prophecy

also for sex

maybe davos likes stannis

but no one likes davos

except maybe his kids

but they all die

A fellow poet on tumblr!

Patchface’s Lament

(Here, in the privacy of his own rooms, the horrifically misunderstood, mocked, and abused poet patchface un bosoms himself—his pain, his alienation, and his undying lust for a very special lady. )

They call me a fool,
The ladies and knights so bold
Laugh as I giggle and drool
And leave me out in the cold

But a love a woman, in truth
As fair as fair could be
I try to tell her the depths of my devotion
But her poor blind eyes will not see

For she is beholden to a man with eyes of blue
And hair as black as the night
And as he grinds his teeth I weep
And hope, and pray to someday take flight

But alas! The woman will not take my love
Nor will she flee with me
And I speak, of course, of the beautiful one
That most exquisitely of mustached Queens— Selyse!

By Queen Cersei I